In a big city, you are a bound to meet different personalities and have different kinds of experiences. As I grow older I would like to believe that my filtering process is getting better but it doesn’t. But hey, I am another year wiser! So let’s start with number 1;
1) The Wolf of Wall Street……..Wannabe
Somehow I meet a lot of these boys, mid 20’s and sometimes foreign. They think they are super sexy with their accents and you humour them by pretending they are sexy but really you do not have a single clue to what they are saying. This guy is in banking, perhaps M&A- comes from a humble family but now is earning a lot of money so thinks he is God because let’s be honest, he’s never seen that kind of money.
He is in London for the dream, you know the dream of the big city, the beautiful women, the money and you are just a little part of the London experience for him. He also has seen the, ‘Wolf of wall street’ far too many times and forgot that it is just a movie and also forgot the slight fact that he is also not beautiful like Leonardo Dicaprio but he has convinced himself hard that he is and will spend a lot of time convincing you that you are just ‘oh so lucky’ to be with him. Give me a break.
So before you think you can change this guy, be sure you can’t- he is easily excited by travel, enticed by money, mediocre women and certainly not the Prince charming you want him to be. He may be intelligent academically but he is arrogant and feels the need to buy bottles to validate his existence. He will constantly remind you of the hours he works so you feel sorry for him and is socially awkward because remember, he doesn’t get to leave the office much. But when he does, he will go wild and you are not on his mind either till he has been rejected by all the women that night and he realises he either needs a cuddle or some action
And that’s when you get that cheap message at 3am, ‘Hey, are you awake? I really miss you...’
2) The guy that only wants to sleep with you-
But these kind of guys disgust me so much, in fact they make me vomit a little in my mouth- They will give you every line under the book to try and get you into bed and will be more than happy to spend a few pounds on a few drinks so you loosen up. They will drop the word, ‘love’ every now and then and constantly tell you how beautiful you are and how they want a good girl just like you because at the end of the day they just really want someone to come home to cuddle. My ass.
This guy is very charming and cute too but quickly becomes ugly when he realises 1) He just paid for drinks 2) and that you are not going to sleep with him
You will get the following lines via text/email or to your face if he’s feeling confident;
- You won’t let me in, you are so rude (But if I let you sleep with me that makes me polite?)
- You are a gold digger (Why? Because you paid £12.00 for my bellini?)
- You are a tease ( I didn’t realise me rejecting your forwardness was me being a tease)
Again, next please.
3) The Party Boy-
He is fun, exciting and most of all is making you laugh (because you spent the last 6 month’s crying yourself to sleep because you thought you would never be happy again after your broke up with your ex) And here you are laughing, partying, perhaps drinking a lot and most of all feeling so alive since you realised your ex was quite boring. He actually made you forget about your ex which you thought was just so completely impossible.
But sooner or later you realise, this guy is only good to drink with or to make out with- he has no conversation to offer on the dinner table. He doesn’t care about you- he is only worried about where or when his next drink is available and yes he is sitting with you hungover today but you have no idea where he will be tomorrow. Either you drown with him or you realise it’s best to leave because there is no future. This guy will let you down and break your heart so many times that you end up missing the long term boyfriend you were with- so the whole process was a complete and utter waste.
4) The Gym Freak-
Ah, this guy’s life is revolved around the gym, he has tons of selfies of himself flexing at the gym. And no, he does not want to go to the cupcake shop with you and share a red velvet- he rather go for a super fun run. Whilst you are out for drinks, he will only order soda with vodka because apparently that has the least amount of calories and he wouldn’t be caught dead with your calorific cosmopoliton. Every conversation on whatsapp/text will include the following sentences;
‘Just off to the gym…’
‘Going to the gym during my lunch break’
‘Just got back from the gym’
And whilst you are thinking you don’t give a flying ______* he will be planning the next date at some sushi/salad bar. I couldn’t deal with it, just no. I like my burgers, my fries, my cakes and my idea of a Friday night date isn’t about ordering the healthiest thing on the menu. Just no! Can you imagine the rest of your life with this guy? You will never get to talk about food or get to take pictures of your food this one! And why do these gym freak guys, always wear the V neck shirts? So not attractive. I like a man who eats and who wears a proper collared shirt!
5) The ‘Mr Yes’ to everything Guy-
This guy is so boring. He couldn’t make a decision to save his life; if you ask him where he wants to go, he will respond something like;
‘I don’t know- wherever you want to’
I dream of a man who knows where to take to me but with this young man you will be doing the research and making the reservations. He has no idea how to be firm, you will end up choosing what to do, where to go, what to eat. At a cocktail bar, he will probably have the same drinks as you and if you ask him if he is enjoying himself, he will politely agree. He is usually quite nervous for no reason at all- The worst part about guys like that is that they will agree to everything even if it makes them super unhappy and quietly cry on the inside. Urgh, he is no ‘father of my children material’
6) The overly clingy guy (and he’s not even your boyfriend)
Possibly this guy is touching 35- when he was 25 he probably had a hot girlfriend who he blew off because he thought he had his whole life to find the one. Now she got married- and he is still in the club, looking for the one and looks like the one is going to be you because hey you caught his eye (lucky you). You think this guy is mature because he has his own flat, a steady job but all of a sudden your phone is drowned with text messages like,
- ‘Saw this, thought of you’-
- ‘Do you want to do something today?’ (even though you saw him the night before)
- *your name* in a message 8 times because he’s drunk
I mean you only met him 2 weeks ago and he is constantly bombarding your phone with pictures/messages/calls and by the end of the day you want to throw you £600 phone out the window. You perhaps, don’t even respond for days..hoping he would get the hint but no, he is still calling…even after you said for the 10th time you are not interested.
So there you have it ladies, my detailed version of the 6 types of characters you may want to avoid unless you just want to have some fun. I don’t regret any of these experiences because I think you have to meet a few douchebags so you can truly appreciate Mr.Right whenever he comes along. Cheers!