Unfortunately, I did spend a lot of 2014 on these countless dating apps available on our phones, looking for Prince charming, you know true love and all that shizzle. Now if my bestie R was here, she would lecture me asking ‘Why on earth would you waste your time on a hook up app?’
But I didn’t want to believe it because I am such a ‘Charlotte’ -you know the naïve Charlotte from Sex and the City so I thought no! I am going to give it a chance but I didn’t know the big city had a lot of wannabes to offer. Please let me enlighten you to what a douche really appears to be like and says.(Also please note that the following are just my opinions and some people actually find true love on these apps just not me because I am a sleaze magnet);
Now a dating app douche has the same kind of photos in London city;
- The Skiing photo; Here he has some mediocre photo of himself on the slopes to highlight that he is in fact ‘adventurous’ on those alps- congratulations. Oh and we can’t really see the face either- so you may be surprised when you meet him face to face
- The Boat photo: you know that boat he rented with his 7 other male friends
- The Wedding photo: He is looking into the distance somewhere but he is most likely in a suit so wants to show that ladies, he can suit up ok if the occasion needs be.
- A photo with a kid– this is a classic, ‘oh I am so good with kids, I am such a family man’ Bullshit, he probably hasn’t even called his own dad in a month-Don’t fall for that one.
- The Bottle Photo– you know with the motto, ‘bottles and models’ only. Sheer class
A dating app douche will also have some vague job title. I am not saying his job title is important but he should be proud of what he does or at least honest. I mean if he is an artist, he should say he is an artist, if he is a waiter, he should say he is waiter because women like honest and genuine guys but hey Linkedin reveals the truth in the end anyways. But here are the below I always see;
- Founder– founder of what? Your attic in your flat? I am so confused.
- Investment Banking– Ok but like what? Not everyone in Investment Banking is an Investment banker but hey whatever helps their ego sleep at night. Only Investment analysts i.e M&A and Fund managers are Investment bankers to me, educate me if I am wrong.
- Owner- Owner of what again? Your collection of socks? Congratulations, then I am an owner too. Better yet, call me CEO of socks.
Now the profile descriptions are always quite similar too;
- ‘Ambitious guy looking for fun’- Now if you are so ambitious I would have seen your photo on Forbes, no need to tell us
- ‘Hey! New in London looking for a fun girl to show me around!’- Great, another tourist I have to tell to stay on the right hand side of the escalator, what an ideal Saturday evening. Not to mention you will have to show him where the best cocktail bar is- great, just great. Nothing worse than a guy who can’t even show YOU the lady around.
- DTF– Like seriously, why? Just why? Do girls actually respond to this? I don’t get it.
- ‘Live, Laugh.etc;- Just kill me now, the corny quotes, just kill me.
Exciting stuff really.
The above are the common themes I seem to see on most dating apps on my phone and so have my girlfriends actually. To be honest, it is all just a tad ridiculous and I love to share my experiences whether they are good or bad with people, so perhaps they can learn from my mistakes or even get a giggle out of it.
Or even better, save that expensive Chanel rouge allure lipstick for a good man, an authentic man- a man whose originality just gives you butterflies and makes your heart skip a beat.