I don’t know where the year went. It was a tough year for me, I walked in to 2016 wining and dining at Sexy fish with the girls excited only to be super drained due to some bad experiences. It was bit of a dramatic year wasn’t it? We had the Brexit in the summer whilst I was on holiday, then my flatmate moved away(that’s never fun) and then I even had the flu in October (nightmare by the way..complete nightmare)
My close ones know me as this cheerful, geeky girl but by early summer I had completely shut down. Closed myself off completely- it came to the point that I was so disappointed that I just didn’t want to meet anyone new since my trust was broken in people. I mean once you’ve received 200 messages like example 1 on the right- you just get fed up and you don’t want to know.
One shouldn’t paint everyone with the same brush but sometimes a girl has to wonder when every guy she meets seems to have one agenda. Anyways, dismissing sexually deprived losers is not the problem – the problem was and is how my attitude had completely changed.
What did I learn though? I learnt a lot-
- I learnt a man/woman who is insecure will always makes you feel bad and put you down. I learnt I cannot pretend to be stupid or less confident to make my partner feel better. It’s exhausting. Never lower your standards-
- I learnt travelling is a great distraction but it doesn’t fix problems because they are still waiting for you when you get back
- I learnt that you don’t have to be friends with everybody. Stick with the few who love you and inspire you. Quality over quantity-you don’t have to save everyone.
- But most of all I learnt that just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean you have the right to treat people in a bad way. Because let’s be realistic not everyone is a douchebag
I think when your trust is broken, the natural reflex is to push everyone away even if their intentions are pure. Eventually you end up creating this dismissive personality which came out of nowhere- but not because you want to hurt anyone but because you want to protect yourself.
We live in a big city, obviously now and then we are going to meet individuals who we should have no business with but a few good words here and there, you are sold. This applies to friendships too, at some point in your life you are going to meet characters who want something from you and pretend to like you but that is when your filtering process should sharpen up.
So my birthday came around towards the end of the year and boy was I spoilt. Spoilt AF. Not trying to show off but my point is yes I met some bad people but boy, I am blessed to know a lot more good people. Flowers, dinner parties, champagne nights from both my guy and girlfriends- and most of all the most beautiful words (and they didn’t really have a clue to what I was going through on the inside)
It is so easy to forget about your blessings in life but sometimes you have to go through some up and downs to remember everything else around you. The important things.
I decided in the new year I am going to go back to my cheerful self, who used to like to meet new people, the girl who always had a mischievous smile for no reason- I am not saying go back to being stupid but to enjoy life and do all the things I want with an open heart. We should never let others affect our attitude in life, most of all we should never let someone else’s insecurities affect us. Life’s too short.